Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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