Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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