I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
