He had one of those small greek statue penises
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
