I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I had to cum in my sink.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
