I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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