If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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