He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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