I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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