Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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