Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
