I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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