I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
