He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They took my balls.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
