the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
