I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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