I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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