Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Already got asked if we're dating
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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