I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
