i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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