I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The air taste purple.
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