dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
