Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
