just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize