My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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