i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
