I'm gonna have a badass scar
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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