it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
