And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
