he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
