Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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