I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
