Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
