I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
