no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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