Having a random hookup so left but love u
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
