i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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