I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
