Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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