Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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