So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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