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I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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