I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
