i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
