Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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