If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
