a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
don't judge my taste in strippers
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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