im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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