If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize