Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
tell me about the eggs
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
