CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize