She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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