Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Randomize
