We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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