Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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