hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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