and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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