i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
