Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
