he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
