Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
