This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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