You made me cry and you don't even care
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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