I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize