I puked a lego.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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