I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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