defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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