First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
