Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
In America we eat man semen.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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