Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
