you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
