i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
