Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
