What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
