Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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