please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
