Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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