I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
