I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
